All That I Want
by JessNLyra
Summary: [Song Fic based on the song Heaven by DJ Sammy.] Sam thinks back on how his relationship with Dean and how it has changed over the years. Rated M for later chapters.


'Oh, thinking about our younger years

There was only you and me

We were young and wild and free

Now, nothing can take you away from me

We've been down that road before

That's over now

You keep me coming back for more'

x-x-x-x

It had been one of their hardest cases to deal with. Each of them was bruised and battered, but that didn't stop them from being who they were; joking and bantering back and forth. It made Sam smile as they rode back to their motel, Dean humming along with one of his Metallica tapes. The small things Dean did put his mind at ease. As his brother pulled into the parking lot of the motel the smile on Sam's face got a little bigger. He was ready for a hot shower and a good night's sleep.

They grabbed their bags out of the back of the car and headed to the room. Dean unlocked the door and they both walked in and dropped their bags by the table and Dean shucked off his jacket, laying it on a chair. Sam shrugged out of his sweater and sat on the bed farthest from the door, taking off his boots and working on his tore up shirt. He heard the squeak of the other bed as Dean sat down to take off his boots and shirt. He felt at peace with the normalcy he felt in this strange room with his brother. The bed squeaked again as Dean stood up to stretch.

"You want the shower first Sammy?" Dean asked.

Sam shook his head.

"Nah man, I'm good. Go ahead." He said.

He watched as Dean shrugged and kicked off his jeans, heading into the bathroom in nothing but his boxers. Sam waited until he heard the shower running before he finished pulling off his button up shirt and scooted back to sit against the headboard, with his arms behind his head; just thinking about their lives growing up.

XXX

He was seven. They were staying in a house owned by someone who owed their dad a favor while he was working a case. The family that owned the house wasn't there because it was their Summer home and it was late Fall, already starting to get chilly. Sam and Dean were alone in the two story house. Dean was lying on the couch watching TV, and Sam was upstairs exploring the house.

"Hey Sammy, why don't you come downstairs, and I'll fix lunch?" Dean called up the stairs.

"Coming De!" Sam called, crawling out of the little crawl space he had been exploring. He gave a very undignified yelp as he hit his head and ended up falling backwards onto the floor.

"You alright up there Sammy?" Dean asked.

Sam rubbed at his forehead, tears stinging his eyes. As he brought his hand away from his head it was sticky with blood. Sniffling, he carefully stood up only to fall back down feeling dizzy.

"Sammy?" Dean called, but he was much closer this time.

Sam looked up and saw Dean walking toward him. He sniffled loudly and rubbed at his eyes. Dean knelt down in front of him.

"Sammy, what happened?" he asked, hugging Sam around the shoulders and moving his hair away from his forehead.

"I hit my head." Sam sniffed and pointed to the crawl space he had just come out of.

"I can see that goof. What were you doing in there?" Dean questioned.

"I was just looking around." He explained.

"Alright nosy, come on. We'll go downstairs and get you cleaned up, so we can have lunch." His big brother said.

"Mkay." Sam said.

Dean helped him up, and put an arm around him to stabilize him when he wobbled on his feet.

"You okay?" Dean asked.

"'M okay, just dizzy." Sam said.

"Alright, we'll go slow okay?"

Sam nodded and they slowly made their way down the stairs. Having to stop a few times when they both almost lost their balance. When they made it down the stairs Dean made Sam sit on the couch while he went to get the first aid kit. Sam listened as he heard his brother shuffling around in the other room. Dean returned a few minutes later with the first aid kit and a damp rag.

"Hold still for me. Alright Sammy?" he asked kneeling in front of Sam.

"Alright De." Sam said.

Dean carefully moved Sam's bangs away from his forehead and used the rag to wipe the blood off his forehead. Sam winced slightly as the rag rubbed over the cut. Dean mumbled an apology as he continued to clean out the cut. Putting the rag down after making sure the cut was clean Dean grabbed a clean gauze pad out of the first aid kit and poured some rubbing alcohol on it.

"This may sting a little Sammy." He warned before dabbing the gauze pad against the cut.

Sam flinched slightly as the pad touched the gash in his skin. Dean moved the gauze pad away from Sam's skin and sat up enough to blow cool air on the cut to take away some of the sting. Sam sat perfectly still as his brother finished cleaning out the wound and applied some butterfly stitches.

"There. That better Sammy?" Dean asked looking at his brother's face.

"Uh huh." Sam said looking down at his lap. "Thanks De."

"No problem Sammy." Dean said kissing Sam's forehead and grinning. "How does Mac and Cheese sound?"

"Sounds good." Sam said.

Dean nodded and stood walking into the kitchen. Sam listened as his brother worked in the kitchen, humming Hey Jude as he cooked. As he listened to his brother work Sam leaned back against the arm of the couch and pulled his knees up to his chest, letting the sound of his brothers humming lull him into something between consciousness and sleep. Before he knew it Dean had returned and was holding a bowl of Mac and Cheese out to him. He uncurled himself from his ball and took the bowl with a mumbled, 'Thank you'.

Dean smiled and sat down across from his brother to watch whatever cartoons were on TV. They sat in relatively comfortable silence as they ate. When they finished Sam volunteered to clean the dishes. Dean insisted that Sam let him do it, so in the end they compromised. Sam did the washing and Dean did the drying. When they were done they went to relax on the couch. Sam didn't know exactly when it happened, but sometime while they were watching cartoons Sam ended up curled up to Dean's chest with his head tucked under his brother's chin. Sleep slowly taking over as Dean wrapped an arm around him protectively. Sam nuzzled his brother's neck and fell immediately asleep.

XXX

He was twelve. Thunder shook the windows in the hotel room they were staying in. Sam shot out of bed and ended up in the corner of the room curled up in a ball. Dean was still fast asleep on the couch in the small room; their dad was gone for the night. Sam whimpered in the dark as a flash of lightening lit up the room. His brother was off the couch immediately, gun drawn. He looked around the room until his eyes fell on Sam cowering in the corner.

Dean tucked the gun away and walked over to kneel in front of his brother. Carefully he reached out; Sam flinched away from him when thunder crashed overhead once more. Sam whimpered again and Dean tried to calm him down.

"Shh… it's alright Sammy. It's just a little rain." He said softly.

Sam looked up at Dean with fear in his eyes. Storms terrified him, he knew they shouldn't but they did. Dean carefully reached out and pulled Sam to him, wrapping his arms around his little brother's shoulders. Sam let out a choked sob and clung tightly to his brother's shirt. They sat like that until they both started to feel uncomfortable, Sam still clinging to dean's shirt as the storm raged outside. Dean shifted enough to put an arm under Sam and lift him up as he stood up. Sam buried his face in his brother's neck as he carefully laid them both down on Sam's bed. He hugged Sam to him trying to calm him down. Sam calmed down to where his sobs of terror became small sniffles.

"You okay Sammy?" Dean asked softly.

"I'm okay now." Sam said after a couple more sniffles.

"Alright." His brother said, and started to pull away.

"No!" Sam screeched.

"Whoa, okay, okay." Dean said, curling back up with his younger brother.

Sam nuzzled up to Dean's neck.

"You want me to tell you a story until the storm passes?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded against his neck. Dean was silent for a moment then he began telling a story. Sam really didn't pay much attention to what actually happened in the story; he just listened to the rise and fall of his brother's gravelly voice. He allowed Dean's voice to lull him into a state of calm during the chaotic storm raging outside. As Dean told his story he was gently running his fingers through Sam's hair, allowing Sam to calm down even more, until his breathing evened out and he finally fell back to sleep, his brother curled around him.

XXX

He was fifteen. Dean was laughing at him after pinning him facedown. They were sparring as they normally did in their down time when they were bored. Sam threw his arm back grabbing Dean's and using his weight to offset his brother and throw him off. Dean landed on his back with a solid thud and laughed. Sam quickly pushed himself up off the ground as Dean got up.

"Nice Sammy." Dean commented.

Sam rolled his eyes and got into a stance, Dean copying his movements and they circled each other slowly. Dean was the first to make a move. He lunged at Sam who in turn stepped out of the way and grabbed one of Dean's arms as he went flying past him, pulling it up behind his back and between his shoulder blades.

"My name is Sam." He growled into his brother's ear.

Sam felt more than heard Dean chuckle.

"Dude you'll always be Sammy to me." Dean said sweeping his foot backwards and catching Sam's causing him to fall backwards.

Sam glared up at him as his brother turned and gave him a smug look. He in turn tripped Dean, laughing when Dean hit the ground with an indignant squeak.

"You cheat." Dean accused.

"Dude since when are there rules?" Sam asked with a smirk as he got up and helped his brother up. "Rule number one; never expect your enemy to fight fairly."

"Yeah, yeah… shut it would ya?" Dean said dusting himself off.

"I think that's good for today…" Sam said.

Dean nodded in agreement and they both headed into Bobby's house. Bobby looked up from behind his stack of books when they walked in.

"What in god's name have you idjits been up to?" he asked, noticing how dirty they were.

"Just doing a bit of sparring Bobby." Dean said.

"Well do me a favor and get cleaned up, you two look like you took a bath in mud." The old hunter said turning back to his books.

Dean looked at Sam and they both laughed as they headed upstairs. They went to their shared room and they both kicked off their boots.

"Go ahead and take your shower first Sammy." Dean said as he plopped down on his bed.

"I told you it's Sam not Sammy." Sam said as he took off his shirt and jeans. "You might want to get out of those clothes before you pass out."

"Yeah, don't want Bobby yelling at me about any extra laundry." Dean said as his brother walked to the door.

"Yeah seriously." Sam agreed. "Don't pass out yet though 'cause you're next."

"Yeah, alright already. Go take your shower." Dean said kicking off his jeans and working on his button down.

Sam shook his head and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

"And don't use all the hot water!" he heard Dean call.

"What are you a girl?" Sam called back.

He closed the bathroom door with a snicker before starting the water to let it heat up. Sam kicked off his boxers and stepped under the spray of the water once it was hot enough. He felt like his skin was layered in dirt. He made sure to scrub off as much of the dirt as possible before washing his hair. One of the things Sam hated about Dean was that he ragged on him because of the shampoo he used. Sure it was strawberry… but hey at least it smelled nice, unlike a lot of other shampoos he'd smelled before. He didn't care what Dean said, he wasn't changing his shampoo.

Sam made sure to get all the suds out of his hair before turning the water off and stepping out of the shower. He wrapped a towel tightly around his waist and grabbed his boxers off the floor so Bobby wouldn't get pissed, then made his way down the hall to his and Dean's room.

"Shower's all yours." He told Dean as he walked in and dropped his boxers with the rest of his clothes, kneeling down to dig in his bag for a clean pair.

"Awesome!" Dean said quickly leaving the room.

Sam shook his head and dried himself off, pulling on his clean boxers and collapsing on his bed. He was half asleep, eyes closed, when he rolled out of the way as Dean tried to jump on him.

"Dude I thought we were done for the day." He mumbled.

Dean laughed and collapsed on the bed next to him.

"Man you're such a killjoy." Dean said.

"Shut up Dean." Sam said covering his face with his arm.

He felt the bed shift next to him and moved his arm to look at Dean out of the corner of his eye, Dean was looking at him.

"What?" Sam asked.

Dean just snorted and rolled back onto his back.

"You're such a girl." He muttered.

Sam punched him in the arm. Dean sat up and stretched before crossing the room to his own bed.

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

Sam chuckled.

"Dude we are so weird." He said.

"Speak for yourself Sasquatch." Dean replied.

"What does my height have to do with anything?" Sam asked.

"Dude… have you looked in the mirror lately?" his brother asked.

Sam sat up and raised a brow at his brother. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Seriously Sam… have you?"

"Not really Dean."

"Dude. You're a freak of nature. Sam, you're tall as all hell, pretty well built, and hot as hell." Dean said.

"Whoa… dude do you just call me hot?" Sam laughed.

"All Winchester men are hot." Dean defended.

"Uh huh… of course Dean." He said with a smirk.

"Shut up Sam."

"Make me Dean."

Dean growled and fell back on his bed.

"Screw you Sam." He muttered.

Sam watched his brother in amusement as his brother thought carefully of possible implications of that one small phrase.

"Y-you know what I mean." Dean stuttered.

Sam just laughed and leaned back against the headboard. He watched his brother fidget awkwardly.

"Dude…"

"Shut it Sam."

"Make me."

Dean glared at him. Sam just smirked, brow raised. His brother sub-consciously licked his lips and Sam tracked the movement.

"Sam, knock it off." Dean said.

"I'm not doing anything Dean." Sam said innocently.

Truthfully he wasn't. He was only observing his brother's behavior. Nothing more, nothing less… at least that's what he told himself. Dean stood up, and Sam sat up, moving away from the headboard. He knew what was going to happen, and moments later it did. Dean lunged at Sam, who fell backwards, barely missing the headboard. Using his weight again, he threw Dean off of him, but as Dean tumbled to the floor he made sure to take Sam with him. Sam landed awkwardly in Dean's lap. Dean groaned, Sam assumed from the fact that he had landed quite painfully in his lap.

"Sam… get the fuck off of me." He growled.

Sam did as he was told and sat against his bed, watching Dean. Dean rested his head back against the wall, taking slow, deep breaths.

"De…?"

"Not a word Sam…"

Sam looked at his hands, hanging limply between his knees. He knew Dean was pissed at him. It was his fault Dean was hurting.

"Sorry De…" he said quietly.

He could feel Dean looking at him. It was a weird feeling, but he was used to it. Sam didn't dare look back at him.

"Sorry for what Sam?" Dean asked.

"I didn't mean to-"

"Wasn't your fault Sammy, I pulled you down with me."

Sam still didn't look at him. He heard Dean move, then he was sitting in front of him, reaching out and tilting his head up so Sam would look at him. Dean searched his face for a moment.

"It wasn't your fault Sam. Ya hear me?"

Sam nodded. Dean smiled and pulled Sam to him, like he always had when Sam was sad or scared. Sam snuggled into Dean and let out a soft sigh.

"Hey Dean." Sam said quietly.

"Hmm… what's up Sammy?" Dean asked.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"Being an awesome brother."

Dean chuckled and kissed the top of Sam's head.

"No problem lil' bro." he said quietly.

Sam looked up at Dean, with his big puppy eyes. Dean just looked right back at him. Sam sat up a bit and kissed Dean's cheek before burying his face back in his brother's neck.

"Sammy?"

"Hmm?" Sam hummed against his brother's skin.

"Damnit…Sam don't do that." Dean muttered.

"Sorry." Sam said quietly.

Dean nuzzled his face into Sam's hair. That's how Bobby found them almost an hour later, fast asleep, or so Dean told him. Bobby woke Dean up long enough to get them both curled up on a bed. That's how Sam woke up in the morning, curled up with Dean and happy.

XXX

"Sam…. Sammy!"

Sam blinked up at his brother.

"Yeah Dean?"

"Dude, you spaced out on me." Dean said pointing to the bathroom. "All yours man."

"Thanks." Sam said getting up and heading toward the bathroom.

He stopped by his brother.

"Hey Dean…"

"Yeah Sammy?" Dean asked turning to look at his brother.

Sam smiled and leaned in to kiss his brother, lingering there for only a few moments.

"Thank you." He whispered before disappearing into the bathroom.

Sam was truly thankful that Dean had been there for him over the years. Even when he left for Stanford he had been thankful that he knew if he ever needed Dean he would be there for him. It was for that same reason Sam came back, just as he knew Dean would do anything for him, he would do anything for Dean. No matter what happened between them, Sam knew he would always come back and he was alright with that, as long as Dean was by his side. That's all he ever needed.

XXX

**"When love comes knocking at your door, will you be the coward who shies away from it, who fears it; or will you be the one who embraces it with open arms?"**

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! It's Jess. I just have a few things to let you know. First, at the end of each chapter I will try to post a quote about what happened in the chapter. Second, this story will most likely have some more mature content in later chapters.**

**If you haven't heard the song this fic will be based off of you can watch the video for it here: ** /I2TKqXqFk6Q

**Hope you enjoy.**

**First Chapter Beta Read by my friends from Twitter, hellswinchester and deansbitch2012.**

**Thank you.**


End file.
